This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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