you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
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