wat bout pragnant strippers??
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
