Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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