Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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