If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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