He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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