sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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