the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
