just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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