Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
