Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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