Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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