she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
