let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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