Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
too bad you live with your parents still
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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