I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
