PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
