I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I wish my penis had an off switch
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
