he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
