shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
How does one acquire holy water?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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