I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Can I color on your dick again?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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