i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
