my phone needs a breathalizer
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
