I didn't shave. On purpose
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
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Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
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I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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