I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My dick has a subreddit
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
