Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
