garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
