Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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