I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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