i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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