I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
