whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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