Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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