Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
