I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
