I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The air was thick with penises
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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