The best revenge is premature balding
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
