i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
