kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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