I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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