entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
