Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I stole a fireplace last night.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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