Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
