he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
