you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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