dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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