I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
