Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
