just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
