this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
