we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
