Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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