first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
