I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
