I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
