Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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