He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
