I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
