Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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