i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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