I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
