where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
