You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
