my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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