So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
3pm strippers are depressing
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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