Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
