Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
