Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
