My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
