THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
