people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
