not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
