Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You dont lie about slip and slides
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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